Completely agree. Would highlight that the important part was not the 'meanness', rather the guts to follow through on the punishment following the choice: if you do X, then Y will happen.

I call it 'you gotta be able to count to 3'. I don't know how many parents (usually I see moms) use the 'count to three method' on their toddlers/elmentary age kiddos, but after using integers for 1 & 2, switch to rational numbers counting from 2-3 (2 & a half, and 3/4... etc). Drive me nutz, because then your in for having to listen to a whole argument/discussion/fight in-between 2 and 3, where if you just get to three, time-em-out, whop 'em on the bum you can get on with your happy household. Kids are like dogs -- quick firm correction by loving authority figure brings happiness to the pack.

It also teaches the adult that adheres to the "if I tell you to do something, it better get done" to think twice before making rules, and pick your battles -- There is nothing worse than to make a kid follow through on doing something that on second thought you agree with them is stupid/the wrong choice, but you have to enforce it anyway.

It does make one wonder if Junior hadn't learned this lesson before... of course we all slip up sometimes... on the flip-side I wonder if the 'meanness' would've been ameliorated if the child had brought the alcohol to the attention of the mom FIRST, as in, I didn't realize he had it, and didn't realize it was in the car, but I found it, here it is. You won't get this with a mean-without-compassion approach.

Trust, but verify.

Posted by dw on January 15, 2008 at 1:05 PM

Good grief. You can act like a responsible parent without acting like a b*tch. For another view on how to do this, check out another blogger here -- the Of cats and kids lady. At least she's not voting to humiliate her kid, just teach him an important lesson. You can still do that and not be a lousy parent. People like "mean mom" produce children like her. Lord help us.

Posted by GoWarriors on January 18, 2008 at 4:57 PM

Youre right dw, the important part was not the meanness at all, but the guts to follow through, even to take a stand. A rare quality in parents today. Im glad you caught the real point of the story, unlike some, who are more concerned that a child (I dont consider a 19-year-old a child--neither does the law by the way) was not treated nicely while being disciplined. Give me a break.

The way I read the story, no names were published so public humiliation is not the issue here. The only people who would know just who it was would be people close enough to the family to recognize the phone number, or recognize the situation. In that sense, she let those people know what kind of insults her son lobbed at her when he was caught with alcohol in his car.

Too many parents recoil and cave at the thought of a tantrum, they opt for peace in the house, leaving their off-spring to learn cause-and-effect from a judge. In my neck-of-the-woods, your name is published in the local papers when youre caught breaking the law. The way I see it, she saved him (and her family) from real public humiliation.

Posted by Rhonda on January 23, 2008 at 8:55 AM