Dear doggy diary ... what were my humans thinking?

Dear doggy diary ... what were my humans thinking?

Dear doggy diary,

Boy, do I have a crazy holiday story to tell you. Best if I break it down day by day:

— Wednesday, Dec. 20: My humans have been acting strangely the past few days (more than usual). They had these nice people over to visit, and for some reason they kept talking about my schedule — when I wake up, when I go to bed, when I eat and when I (well, you know). What business is that of theirs?!Blog Photo

Then, a couple of days ago we went over to their house. It was very pretty — bigger and fancier than ours, if I’m being totally honest — and Mom and I went for a walk around the block with the nice Girl who lives there. The Man even gave me a piece of STEAK! Great guy. Gotta get his contact info. But again with the schedule talk — what gives?

— Thursday, Dec. 21: There’s lots of packing and gift-wrapping going on. I don’t like it when they pull those suitcases out. It usually means they’re going away for a while while I stay here with those teenagers who spend the night and take me for walks. (I secretly like them, because they let me sleep with them and give me Goldfish crackers. But don’t tell Mom.)

— Friday, Dec. 22: I’m getting nervous. The suitcases are all packed, and they’ve put some of my favorite toys and food in the car. Maybe we’re going to visit those people in St. Louis who look an awful lot like Mom. I like their two dogs (though the little one doesn’t seem to care for me). But my humans keep looking at me with a sad face.

This feels a lot like last year, when my old humans put me in a van and drove me to meet these strangers and just left. It turned out to be my new human family, but geez, that was traumatic. I had to hide in the corner until I trusted them. I also peed a lot in the house, but once I realized they weren’t dognappers, I started cooperating and let them think they were “training” me. They turned out to be pretty cool. I hope they’re not giving me away again.

— Saturday morning, Dec. 23 (Day 1, hostage crisis): The unthinkable happened. My humans took me to that nice house, and I started sniffing around like I always do. Then, after they hugged me, all of a sudden I looked up and they were leaving! Hey, wait for me! I tried to shout. But they just got in their car and drove off. What the heck? Maybe if I bark for hours they’ll come back ...Blog Photo

— Saturday evening (still in captivity): Apparently I’m allowed one phone call to the outside. The Lady who lives here let me send a message to my humans.

“To my dear human family,” I wrote. “I MISS you so much ...” Wait! Is that steak!? Chomp, chomp. What was I doing? Oh yeah: “I cried and howled after you left. I kept checking the windows for you. So far, your human friends are alright, but they are not you. They play with me and have taken me out on many walks today. I have yet to take a nap, but there’s so much to sniff around this house ...” Wait! Squirrel! There’s so many windows at this house!

— Sunday, Dec. 24 (Day 2, hostage crisis): My humans never came back. But I managed to sleep all night in my crate. They would be proud — if they still cared whether I was alive or dead. The nice people here took me for a walk in the snow and gave me tons of treats. They left fun food trails for me to follow, too. I have to say steak is the BEST.

I’ve decided maybe they’re not going to kill me. Lady in particular seems to really like me. I allowed her to snuggle with me today. They’ve told me I’m going to be here for a few days, so I have vowed to bark at any invaders who come to the door.

— Monday, Dec. 25: (what hostage crisis?): You won’t believe what happened. While I was sleeping, some fat guy in red left a giant rawhide bone for me under the tree I’m not allowed to pee on! This house is awesome! I played in the snow again this morning with Girl, and got everyone to play chase around the house. Many times. They seem kinda tired.Blog Photo

I also sent a photo text to the fam, just so they wouldn’t worry (can you say “helicopter parents”?): “I would greet you Merry Christmas, but first I need to gnaw this treat Santa left for me under the tree. Hope you are having a great Christmas — see you soon!”

— Tuesday, Dec. 26 (Day 4, spa vacation): Girl and I romped in the snow, and I continued to work on that rawhide (after a minor puking incident). I gotta say this gig is sweet. I’m getting to know the neighbors, and I sleep in Lady’s bedroom now. I’m thinking I could get used to this. I was deep into my morning nap when Lady woke me up to say that my human family is coming home this evening. I’m fairly excited to see them ... zzzzzz....

— Wednesday, Dec. 27: Well, I’m back home, diary. I was psyched to see my human family again last night, but I played it pretty cool. Didn’t do my usual “pee with excitement” thing. I wanted them to know I missed them, but not TOO much. Let them suffer a bit.

All is well now. Turns out the fat red guy also left some doggy treats at my house. I’m glad to be back, but I sure hope I get to visit that spa again. I kinda miss Man, Lady and Girl. And the steak.

Will write again soon.

Love, Murphy


Julie Wurth blogs about kids and families and covers the University of Illinois for The News-Gazette. Leave a comment below or contact her at 217-351-5226, or


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