UI professor: Unofficial is 'orgiastic defilement' of St. Patrick

UI professor: Unofficial is 'orgiastic defilement' of St. Patrick

A letter to Gov. Pat Quinn from a University of Illinois law professor has been floating around lately, but I have yet to see it published in its entirety.

He definitely represents one end of the spectrum on the debate surrounding Unofficial St. Patrick's Day on campus. I don't think anyone would disagree that the event is not great for human health and safety, but the other argument, of course, is that Unofficial is good for business.

I'll let you be the judge. Here's the letter. Let me know what you think by commenting below, sending me an email or a message on Twitter.

February 8, 2012
The Honorable Patrick Quinn
Governor, State of Illinois
James R. Thompson Center
100 W. Randolph St., Ste. 16-100
Chicago, IL  60601-3220
Fax:  312-814-6183

Dear Governor Quinn:

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to you! Unfortunately for me, on Friday, March 2, 2012 the City of Champaign will be publicly desecrating Saint Patrick, your Patron Saint and the Patron Saint of our Beloved Ireland. On that day, the Champaign Bar and Liquor Industry will launch their annual town-wide Unofficial St. Patrick's Day Bar Crawls.  In previous years this event knowingly and deliberately produced, promoted, and instigated at least one death, numerous maimings, many rapes and sexual assaults, widespread physical assaults and batteries, large scale drunken-driving, destruction of public and private property, and multiple disturbances of public order-all perpetrated by drunken young adults and underage minor drinkers who had been illegally served and serviced by the Champaign Bar and Liquor Industry with the full knowledge and approval of the Champaign City Council and Mayor.  The good people of your Champaign County will be terrorized and intimidated by several thousands of drunken young adults and illegal underage minor drinkers for the entire weekend.

Because of the enormous sums of money generated by the Champaign Bar and Liquor Industry, and despite my best efforts, all the local public officials have adamantly failed and refused to terminate this orgiastic defilement of Saint Patrick, but rather have tolerated, condoned, and licensed it for well over a dozen years.  Therefore I hereby request that you exercise the emergency powers granted to the Governor by the Illinois Emergency Management Agency Act, 20 Ill. Comp. Stat. 3305 (West 2007), 3305/4 ("Disaster" includes "riot") to suspend every bar and liquor license within the city limits of Champaign for March 2, 2012.  Under Section 3305/7(9) the Governor has the power "To suspend or limit the sale, dispensing, or transportation of alcoholic beverages...."

We must not let these mercenary Champaign bar and liquor store owners murder and maim and rape yet another young person in the prime of his or her life. Their next victim could be your daughter or your son, your brother or your sister, your mother or your father. These Merchants of Death and Destruction must be stopped!

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter. It has been most appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.


Yours very truly,

Francis A. Boyle
Enclosure: United Ireland, Professor of Law, Human Rights, and International Law

Comments

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virgil g wrote on February 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Welcome to America, where if you don't like something, you work to get it banned instead of just doing something else.

 

I could turn the channel on the TV, but instead i'll complain to the FCC. I could change the radio station, but again, I've got the FCC on speed dial.

I don't like Unofficial, I think I'll complain to the governor (since the mayor isn't doing what I want done about it).

Champaign liquor store owners and bar owners are called "Merchants of Death and Destruction", what a crock. If that's the case, and a person gets into a car accident, is the car to blame? Why isn't there outrage about auto's killing people. If you remove the car, there will be no DUI! Auto dealers must be stopped!

This person claims to be a professor of human rights?

Apparently, he is only interested in his rights.

Welcome to America, where you have the right to be a pompus, pious, (can't think of a word that won't be slanderous/libelous... so just insert one of your own, I'm leaning towards something that starts with the letter D) dude.

V

 

jmuggl952 wrote on February 17, 2012 at 5:02 pm

This event should be rebranded "Artificial St. Patrick's Day" in reflection of its true nature.