Krazy is a Perk | And to think, I risked my life to help you!

Krazy is a Perk | And to think, I risked my life to help you!

By KRISTA VANCE

Recently, I walked into the kitchen to find Thomas sitting on the ground in front of the sink with his head inside the cupboard and a hose in his hand. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Trying to figure out why the dishwasher isn't working."

"It's probably broken."

"You're hilarious." He looked at the hose and then smiled. "Can you give me a hand?"

"With the dishwasher?"

"Yes."

"Umm."

"Just come here." He patted the floor between himself and the dishwasher. "It'll be like a date. You're always saying we never get enough time together."

"You're such a sweet talker," I said. "This date better include food."

"Oh, there'll be food," he smiled again.

The dishwasher door was open and both the lower rack and the rack with the big, turny, squirty thing were removed, as was the drain cover in the bottom of the dishwasher.

"Stick your hand in the drain."

"Is the power off?"

"No."

"How 'bout you turn it off?"

"You'll be fine."

"How about you still turn it off?"

"I can't find the cord."

"What are you talking about? There's gotta be a cord."

"Yes, there's a cord," he said, "but I've already put my hand in the drain, and I survived. You'll be fine."

"My dad'll kill me if I put my hand inside something electrical without unplugging it."

Thomas shook his head and unplugged the dishwasher.

"You know, the dishwasher is really close to the garbage disposal. My hand will be shredded."

"No, it's not, and no, it won't."

I pushed him to the side and looked underneath the sink. "I can see the garbage disposal, and yes I will, cuz accidents happen."

"Just because you can see the garbage disposal and the drain to the dishwasher at the same time does not mean your hand will be shredded. The two are not connected to each other."

"It just really freaks me out. Please unplug the garbage disposal."

"You'll be fine."

"Why do you want to electrocute me?"

"What?"

"What if you push the garbage disposal button and a random garbage disposal cord falls into a hole that's somehow connected to the dishwasher drain. You'll electrocute me!"

"First, I can't reach the button because I'm sitting on the ground. Secondly, there are no random cords hanging out underneath the sink. Thirdly, you're crazy.""I'm going to die."

"You'll be fine."

"I have an idea. Your insurance is better. I think you should stick your hand in, and I'll do whatever you're doing under the sink."

"Put. Your. Hand. In. The. Drain."

"What am I supposed to do while my hand is in it?"

"Wait."

"Wait for what?"

"Just wait."

And then another smile.

"You're making me nervous."

"I know."

I took a deep breath and put my hand in the drain.

"AAAptRRRRGGGHHH! There's water in it!" I felt something soft touch my fingers and yanked back my hand. "You didn't tell me there was anything in it. My hand is wet, and I've got mushy kitchen nature all over it."

"You'll be fine."

"I refuse."

"Should we wash dishes by hand from now on?"

"No, we'll make the kids do it."

And then he raised his right eyebrow at me (I'm so jealous of that move), because we both knew the kids wouldn't do it.

I took another deep breath, plugged my nose and stuck my hand in the drain.

"Why are you plugging your nose?"

"It makes me feel better."

Another raised right eyebrow.

"Cuz my hand is going into water, duh," I said, nasally.

"You make very little sense."

"How about you stop talking and do whatever it is you need to do. My hand is getting dirty."

"The water is clean."

"I don't think so. I can feel," I concentrated, pinched two fingers together and pulled out a yellow squishy piece of corn. "See," I thrust it in front of his face, "dirty."

"Well, I did say there'd be food."

"Are you stalling? Cuz I think you're stalling."

"I'm not stalling," he laughed. "Tell you what, you don't have to put your hand in the drain, just look down it."

There was that smile again.

"OK," I said, hesitantly. I crawled halfway into the dishwasher. "What am I looking for?""Water."

"I already told you there was water."

And then he blew into the hose underneath the sink and water shot out of a tube next to the drain dousing me from neck to crown.

I screamed, hit my head on the inside of the dishwasher and emerged yelling a few choice words.

Thomas laughed until tears wet the corner of his eyes.

"You're so not funny! You did that on purpose!"

He nodded, wheezing.

"Why?" I cried. "I haven't even been especially annoying lately."

"I couldn't pass it up. On the bright side," he smiled, "I didn't electrocute you."

"That was very thoughtful," I rubbed my face on his shirt. "Now take me on a real date cuz I definitely deserve it."

Krista Vance is a former Champaign resident. While she now calls northern Colorado home, she spent five wonderful years in Champaign and misses great friends, corn and big-sky sunsets.

Sections (1):Living
Topics (1):People
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