Reluctant Townie: 22 days of thanks with Thomas Turkey
Editor's Note: As transcribed from the Facebook/Twitter feed of Thomas T. Turkey, during the month of November, in the year of our fowl, 2012.
NOV. 1: Halloween was epic. Costume party on the range. I went as an Eagle (Joe Walsh). @Bob_Gobbler went as Glenn Frey. #GreatMinds. No Henley. Maybe next year. Henrietta was there dressed as the "Gangnam Style" guy. Love her sense of humor, so topical.
NOV. 2: Saw that people are posting one thing they are thankful for on here every day until "Thanksgiving" (whatever that is), so I figured I would jump on the bandwagon. Day 2 — I am thankful for missing out on Day 1, less homework.
NOV. 3: Day 3 — I am thankful for all of my family and friends here at Butterball Ranch. They make every day a little bit brighter. Especially Henrietta. She is the bird food that lines the feeder of my heart. If only she knew I existed! Gobble at a player, girl!
NOV. 4: Day 4 — I am thankful for my health. I see a lot of these old-timers, too heavy to fly up to the roost at night, and all I can think is — that'll never be me. #HittingTheGym #FlyOrDie
NOV. 5: Day 5 — I am thankful for the pen I call my home. It keeps me safe by keeping dangerous animals out, and also, by keeping me in. Watch out, Mama Hens! #HeartBreaker #DarkMeat
NOV. 6: Day 6 — I am thankful for the right to vote. But it really ruffles my feathers that I didn't get an "I VOTED" sticker at my polling place. No stickers this year? If I had known, I wouldn't have bothered.
NOV. 7: Day 7 — I'm thankful for my BFF @Bob_Gobbler, my partner in crime. Fly high, bird. We run this roost! #YoungTurks
NOV. 8: Day 8 — I am thankful for this Boost Mobile cell phone that allows me to access the Internet, Twitter and Facebook. No contracts, no credit check, pay as I go, and I get pretty sweet reception on the range. #TurkeyOnABudget
NOV. 9: Day 9 — I am thankful for cargo pants. I have a lot of stuff to carry. Whoever invented cargo pants GETS ME.
NOV. 10: Day 10 — I am thankful for stolen glances. Caught Henrietta giving me the bird's eye at the water trough. Should have made a move, but there's always tomorrow. (Sidenote: Overheard the humans talking about this "Thanksgiving" thing. Some pretty nasty rumors are going around the range. Keep you posted.)
NOV. 11: Day 11 — I am thankful for the veterans who have served this country. Happy Veterans Day!
NOV. 12: Day 12 — Thankful to be in LOVE! Henrietta perched next to me on the roost last night and made the first move! #Unexpected #Hot
NOV. 13: Day 13 — I am thankful for sunshine and puppy dogs and children playing in the leaves. Henrietta and I are planning our nuptials. Thinking about going with a destination wedding. On top of Mount Everest? The Taj Mahal? Inside of the Sphinx? Nothing seems grand enough for our romance.
NOV. 14: Day 14 — I am thankful for my stamina. We've been getting our beak on nonstop since my last Tweet. (#NoJoke! #SomebodyBringMeSomeGatoradeSeriously) What can I say? She likes the way I fan my tail feathers. Gobble, Gobble.
NOV. 15: Day 15 — I am thankful for miracles. Henrietta is with egg! #ThingsJustGotReal
NOV. 16: Day 16 — I am thankful for the quiet moments I get to spend with Henrietta as we build our nest. (Although, our tranquility is broken by whisperings of "Thanksgiving," a day in which mankind is said to massacre turkeykind. I hope I am not contributing to this evil by participating in these "22 Days of Thanks" posts.)
NOV. 17: Day 17 — I am thankful for the wellness shot the humans at Butterball Ranch inject me full of every morning, but I'm suspicious that it's making me gain weight. Already, Henrietta has doubled in size. It could be the pregnancy, but I'm not so sure. Tried to talk to her about it, but was turkey clawed in the wattle. Touchy subject. Too tired to roost at night. #GettingTooOldForThis
NOV. 18: Day 18 — I'm thankful that I went this long without Googling "Turducken." Some things cannot be unseen! A chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey? What kind of sick monster could conceive such an atrocity! #NeverSleepAgain
NOV. 19: Day 19 — Thankful to have BFFs that stab me in the back! Henrietta's egg hatched and it turns out the baby belongs to @Bob_Gobbler! I have been betrayed. Henrietta how could you do this to me? #BrosNoMore #UnbreakMyHeart #NeverLoveAgain #MauryPovich
NOV. 20: Day 20 — I am thankful that @Bob_Gobbler mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the night. I had nothing to do with it. I'll take a polygraph. Karma is a big one, isn't it? Henrietta swears it was the humans and wants me to help raise @Bob_Gobbler_Jr. LOL! I told her to go to find a bank teller if she's looking for a sucker.
NOV. 21: Day 21 — I am thankful for sleep. So tired. Heavy. Cannot fly. More shots. Henrietta gone now. Most gone. Range empty. So tired. Feel destiny. Coming. Sleep now.
NOV. 22: Day 22 — Overheard the humans discuss their dinner plans — namely, me. I am to be prepared with sage, butter and brown sugar. I have no regrets. (Except, perhaps, for the "stuffing.") On a positive note, I sure am thankful I didn't buy any more minutes for my Boost Mobile phone. Really dodged a bullet there! #savings #Win
Ryan Jackson wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving, brought to you by Butterball frozen turkey, and he can be reached at email@example.com.